Check the DM’s

It’s been quite a while since I’ve had one of those really vivid dreams that I still remember when I wake up, or the ones that wake me from my sleep. This morning I had one.

In my dream I remember getting a call from a male friend telling me that he had checked the messages of his s/o (significant other) and he found that she had been unfaithful to him. I’m not sure if that meant physically or just that she had been chatting and interacting with another man in ways that were inappropriate for their relationship.

Anyway, he seemed so heart broken as he told me what he had found and was devastated. So much that the had not reached out to tell me until a few weeks or maybe a month or so after he found out. He asked me what he should do because their relationship had been rocky almost from the jump, and he had considered leaving her not too long ago anyway. He asked if things were worth fighting for, was there anything worth saving. My only answer to him was “I can’t answer that for you”, he somewhat tearfully then said “have I been fighting to save something for all these months that wasn’t supposed to be, did I get into this relationship because I wanted to be in one and she fit the picture I had in my head”. I again replied “I can’t answer that, only you know the answers”.

I was heartbroken for my friend and wanted to be there to help him through this period and to comfort him, yet I also didn’t want to cross any boundaries because I think I’m already pretty much persona non-grata or off limits for him to interact with as friends – which sucks.

I remember the words and the feeling and hope that he is ok.


Not a Single Thank You

There are times when you do things for people, things so big that they are life altering and they may not even know how you saved them – and not a single thank you comes from them.

Sometimes you don’t do these things for the thank you, you do them because at the end of the day it’s just the right thing to do. I saved someone (more than once) from facing a serious legal matter that would have publicly embarrassed them, ruined their career and left them destitute. Not a single thank you was uttered, written, sent via a pigeon in a smoke signal.

I think some people are so self-absorbed and only concerned with their well-being, that they never see the trees in the forest. Lord help them, when people stop being kind to them.

If by chance I didn’t stop what I think I stopped, I won’t stand in the way of the consequence happening if it comes up again. Nope. I sure won’t.

Ding dong (you know the tune)

“Ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead”

In this case the wicked witch is a man, and he is more than a witch he’s a b*tch, a full grown b*tch.  I cannot say how elated I am that the is leaving my life and I no longer have to have any interaction with him. If I had any more interaction with him, I would be tempted to do some physical damage to him.

He’s a bully, he’s unprofessional, a dictator, a coward, and a misogynistic sexual harasser (of many women, so I am told). The most gleeful part was when he was told he was kicked off the board, and a few hours later he sent an email declining to stay on the board. LMAO…  you were kicked off. Your email does nothing, you can’t even save face with it. lol.


DNR (Do Not Resucitate)

Because I may just be going to hell for laughing at things like this.. I’m sharing with y’all so I can have some company. I’ve literally watched this over 20 times and have laughed just as hard the last few times as I did the first time. I promise my breath was taken away the first time and I think a little bit of my soul was kilt (yes, kilt).

I’m gonna go mourn that piece of my soul that left… and save you a seat on that bus ride.

ps. The real interview is not much different than this. I’ve watched that a few times too, and yeah she has no idea how hilarious she is in real life too.

No shade in the invitation

So, the other day I received an invitation to a wedding in the mail. It wasn’t an ordinary invitation. It was from a guy I used to date. Yes, someone I used to date is getting married and I got invited. Before y’all start saying ‘oh the shade’, it isn’t shade (she couldn’t shade me if she planted a forest of trees). Let me explain.

Here’s a little backstory:

He (it was so long ago, that I won’t even call him a former bae or anything, because he’s been more than 2 bae’s ago) and I dated for about 18 months, nothing super serious but I think we loved each other, but we both knew nothing more or nothing of substance was going to come of it. When we dated it was good, we had fun, and enjoyed our time together. His mom was really great and was sad when we broke up – because who was she gonna talk to about all the stuff she liked to chat with me about when I came over. She liked that I had a lot to say about almost everything. He and I did have a few hiccups but nothing really crazy that broke us up, except that I think we just started falling apart and doing things solo. When we broke up, we stayed friends. As he dated other people, or as I dated other people (even the 2 that I loved a lot… a lot, a lot) we stayed friends and would see each other from time to time to catch up on life, and would talk on the phone. When he started dating this girl a few years ago, I knew something might be special about her because he started talking to me less and less. To make a long story short, she told him that if he wanted to be with her, he had to stop being my friend. I was ok with that, even though it hurt my feelings a bit because I knew nothing would happen between he and I (there wasn’t any chemistry  – not in a sexual way and the love I once had for him had changed, it wasn’t romantic anymore and once romantic love leaves me, it doesn’t come back) so we stopped talking, stopped visiting when we were in the same city and just being friends.

Fast forward to last week. I opened my mail and there it was. A pretty white envelop with purple flowers and gold accents. ‘You are cordially invited to the wedding of xx and xxx’ followed by the usual information, date, time location, etc. There was another envelop. I opened the second envelop and there was her note. She wrote me a note. I was taken aback by it, I read it and this is what it said:

Dear [Me],

I hope my note finds you doing well and in good spirits in [my city]. I’m sure you’re surprised to be getting this because I know I told xxx that he couldn’t be a friend to you if he was going to date me. I want to apologize for that. I’m sorry for being immature and not being able to handle your friendship with xxx. I know that I was wrong and that I owe you more than an apology, I owe you a thank you. In all the talks I’ve had with xxxx over the years, I’ve come to realize that without you, xxx wouldn’t be the man I know today and the man I fell in love with. I owe you my gratitude for being his friend and for teaching him to open his heart to love and how to be a caring and supportive friend which makes him a great man to be with. The man that I have chosen to be with.

I was selfish and didn’t trust him having a close relationship with you, someone he dated before me and that his mom still liked. I was worried he might be attracted to you and that he might not be able to fully commit to me if you were in the picture. I knew that he valued your opinion on things, which caused me to worry that he might never fully add me in his life. I also worried that he might cheat with you.

He told me of the talks you used to have with him, and how you gave him confidence to go after the job he wanted. He told me that he secretly  stayed in contact with you even when I told him not to have any contact with you. He also said that it was you who told him what he would be missing out on if he didn’t keep me around.I’m sorry I doubted you and I’m sorry I didn’t trust you or him. I’m more sorry that I didn’t take the time to get to know you, I think we might get along.

I hope that you will come to our wedding and that I can say thank you in person.


[Her name]

Well, I’ll be John Brown (I like that expression, lol)… and duh! When I say I’m done with a man, I’m done with him. No matter the love I might have had for him in a romantic way, when it’s over, that love changes for me. I still and probably will always have love for the guys that I’ve dated, they’ve been some awesomely good guys, but my love for them changes when we are done. I love them dearly as a friend, but anything more than that is not there. There is only one guy that once he was out of my system, that I even remotely wanted to be physical with again, and that was/is because the chemistry in that department was mind-blowing. Would I ever want to date the mind blowing sex guy again, nope. I don’t know if I even dated him in the first place – we just had really incredible sex and I had a great time hanging around him and talking with him, but on the romantic side, I don’t think we were ever a good match. He wanted something and someone I clearly wasn’t and wasn’t ever going to be and I wanted someone who wanted me, and I realized that wasn’t him.

Anyway, back to the invitation. After I read it and let it sit in my mind for a day or two, I think I’ve decided I’m going to go. I have nothing but good wishes for them, and am glad he followed my advice to go after her and to ask her to marry him. A lot of my female friends find it odd that I have stayed friends with every guy I’ve ever dated. For me it’s pretty simple – my love for them and wanting the best for them in life doesn’t change or stop just because I stop dating them. They give me a good perspective on my own life, and occasionally when I have questions about a new guy, they sometimes give me good feedback and advice too. I tell my friends who don’t understand that “my heart is big and has room for a whole lot of love of all kinds. once I love a person, I tend to keep them there in my heart, just in a different way”.

Wedding invitation - sample

(this is not the actual invitation – but it looks similar to theirs)