S in the White Mercedes

I’ve been meaning to write about this, I thought it was funny. About 2 weeks I was leaving work to go to a happy hour. It was late and kind of dark outside. (Yeah, I was showing up to happy hour all late, but it is what it is). Anyway, as I’m leaving the office and walking to my car, a white Mercedes pulls up besides me. He didn’t look like my normal type, and if I have a type that would be somewhat clean cut yet with an edge… I gotta have a man with swag, even if they don’t know they have it. Back to the story  (I get sidetracked in my stories quite often), I’m getting ready to cross the street to my car and he stops his car.

He rolls down his window and says: “what’s a beautiful woman like you doing out so late alone”.

Being the pleasant person that I am, I said “just leaving work”

He asked “do you live in the area”

[Negro do you really think I’m about to divulge that kind of information to you a stranger?]

I ignored the question and he then asked if I was going home. Now in my head, all I’m thinking is, if you dare ask if you can come home with me, I will find something to stab you to the white meat with a quickness. No violence was needed, lol. I politely said I was headed to meet some friends for happy hour. By this time I had crossed the street and was standing at my car ready to open the door. Only about 45 seconds had elapsed, even though it felt like 10 minutes.  As I open my car door, I see that he isn’t moving on and now there are cars getting backed up behind him in the street. [These Phillyland cats don’t know how to pull over to the shoulder, they just stop in the middle of the street any time day or night for any reason – I hate that]. He quickly tells me that he likes my outfit. I cannot complain I thought I looked pretty good in my tight ankle capri pants and heels too. But I digress. I thanked him for the compliment and told him that he might want to pull all the way over so traffic can get by. I don’t think it dawned on him to do it, but to my surprise he did. So as traffic is passing, he’s yelling through the sound of cars and is asking for my phone number and randomly asks if I have kids. Again in my head all I’m thinking of is..F*ck my life. I really just wanted to go out and have a good time with my friends and not be bothered by dudes today.

Ugh. I kinda of declined and lied at the same time. I said I didn’t have kids, which is the truth and then told him that I was seeing someone and he probably wouldn’t appreciate if I was giving my number out to other men. Yet in reality, I was only somewhat seeing potential bae, and if S in the white mercedes hadn’t told me I didn’t have kids because I’d been waiting on him to drop his seed, he might have gotten the digits.

As I was getting into my car, I see dude in the white mercedes is still sitting my the side of the road. I laughed in my head. Maybe if he had had a drop top things could have turned out different. Probably not though.

Note to men: telling a woman that you never met, that she is childless because you haven’t dropped your seed in her, isn’t a great pick up line. It sucks. No, really it sucks. Don’t say it.



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